Shame

  I feel the idea of shame helps influence my behavior and choices that I make in life. I don't know if it keeps me from doing certain things, but I feel that it keeps me from expressing opinions and saying what I want to say in many situations. I always want people to think the best of me, but there is a major fault to that: caring what others think too much in fear of being shamed is crippling... at least that's what I feel. I can relate this to myself, also. I think back to when I was younger and more, honestly, close minded. The less you know about things. The more you are likely to dismiss, shame, and even fear it.
   To be super open, I shamed people who smoked weed. I never thought in a million years that my lips would touch a blunt or a bowl, so of course I was a lot more judgmental of those who participated in the lovely activity of toking. Being raised in a Christian environment, it was automatic to look down on using cannibis: it's illegal, it's classified as a drug, and it alters your mind. I thought that those who did it were foolish and were just trying to be cool. It was set in my mind that those who did it possessed bad judgment and they were soon going to be hooked on other drugs, because weed is a gateway drug, right? As I hung around other people who did it, I noticed that those peon seemed to be the most productive. They weren't sloppy, lazy, a hopeless dreamers. If anything, they were actually making things happen. So of course, my shaming of the activity decreased. I realized that I just wanted to guilt other people for doing something that really didn't concern me. " You're such a bad person for smoking. You're a drug user! Eww!!" What a waste of time to guilt other people for wanting to be themselves and do them.
      I feel shame comes from those who don't know you. Guilt comes from those who are closer to you and want the best, so their strategy is to make you feel bad about it so that you won't do it again (also, to conserve their image because people associate you with them). Because there's that attachment, that type of shame would make more sense; they know your not a bad person, but they don't agree with what you did, so the best way to get you to stop is to use the guilt strategy.If someone doesn't know you, their more likely to associate what you do to who you are. They have no need to guilt you with anything because they don't necessarily care about you. If it's not apart of their lifestyle and they see you do it, it's automatic to shame you and label you a bad human being.
     Most shame seems to be superficial to me. If it doesn't fit society's standards, it's looked down upon and that person is bad. If I know you and you may mess up the way people look at me because I have a certain association with you, I'll guilt you out of doing it so you won't do it anymore. Necessary shame comes from within. If you can't look at yourself without feeling some type if way, that's when it's necessary.