Self image

I'm quicker to point out my flaws than I am to congratulate myself on an accomplishment whether minute or great. I like to be truthful with myself, even if it's in the moment or after the fact. I recognize that I feel insecure about myself most of the time. I do my best not to show it to others who I don't know that well, but my friends can tell at times. I allow the stuff that doesn't matter to get to me and I let that thought linger and fester its way into my day. I find myself creating negative energy because I allow my focus to remain on that one flaw or that one problem I have with society. I let it bother me and I walk around thinking something negative is bound to happen. I scew my reality knowing good and well that I can shift the way I percieve it by managing my focus positively. 

The funny thing concerning this subject, is that I was having a conversation with an aquaimtence o mine discussing confidence in self despite how we look or think we look. It's funny that bigger people tend to have more confidence, willingness to be outgoing, and are less likely to apologize for who they are than people who are, by society's hypocritical standards, said to be more asthetically pleasing. Why is that? I still don't know why. I feel that it'll come with looking into my self and saying "Elise, I accept you for who you are. I know there are certain things that I don't like about you, but I accept those, too. You are a good dancer an you have the ability, but don't be afraid to put the work behind to be better and DONT be afraid to be better."

I think a lot of the way I percive myself comes from

the need of how I would like others to see me. There's a timidity that comes from that horrible way of thinking. It's not always that I'm afraid people won't accept me, as crazy as this sounds, I feel I downplay myself because I don't want to offend anyone with my confidence or have them take it the wrong way as if I'm being big headed...... I think too damn much. I have faith I.useld, it's jusy I'm giving too much attention and permission to fear to have its say in my life. I've decicded that I'm going to continue to take it step by step on the journey to self love, because I truly can be my own worst enemy.